Growth is the most painful when we resist

Often times, i look back my life and start to hope that i can be a liitle child again. Being an adult can be very tiring sometimes. Well, more accurately, most of the time. The resposibilities that you have to bear with and the expectations from the others.....Can be quite suffocating sometimes......

Especially recently, as i'm posting in paediatric posting and previously in O&G posting which both involve dealing with babies, toddles and children. When i see their happy faces, i wish i can smile and laugh like them. When i see them crying, i wish i can cry like them. When i see them sleeping soundly and peacefully, i wish i could too. (especially during oncals)

When is the last time i had actually laughed whole-heartedly?
When is the last time i had actually cried from the bottom of the heart?
When is the last time i had slept with no worries of tomorrow?

I think hard and i only have answer to the 2nd question.
Yup, had been crying hard once last 2 weeks.
I knew and i always know that life of an adult is never been easy, but i never expect that how hard it can be.
Life is full with sorrows but it should be full with happiness and hope as well.
Since when the robotic and materialistic life of an adult had turned me into a mercyless and an ignorance person??

I questioned myself but have no answer to it.
I was speechless.
Yet, one thing for sure.
Who i am now is not the person that i want to be when i was small.
This is not the life i want.

This is the time to change.

And time to bed. Had been in a hyposomnia state lately.~Joel